Tips for a custom-made Wedding dress

You think that now that you've found someone willing to marry you that the hard part is over, then you start thinking about the dress and realise that you are playing hockey in the middle of a cricket game.

You are pulled in a dozen different directions by various family members and friends who all want you to fulfill their bridal fantasies and before you know it, every Saturday for the next few months has been booked for you to go and try on dresses at innumerable bridal shops, none of whom are on your short list.

It's your wedding. Months of glorious engrossed planning culminating in the one day that is yours. Yes, you are sharing it with 600 of your closest family and friends (well, if your mom has anything to do with the guest list it may well be!) but it is essentially the day when you and you your fiance show what you are made of.

These are a few practical tips for having a gown custom made, borne of the frustration I have heard from countless brides on the subject of choosing their dress and what they wished they knew (or had the guts to do) in the beginning.

1. Research!

(a) Spend a week or a couple of months researching. Get a scrap book, open a Pinterest page or just stick a bunch of post-it notes in a pile of magazines, whatever floats your boat. Just go and look at stuff and keep pictures, the more the better. Often a theme will emerge through a pile of photos that isn't obvious to you, but will be picked up on by the person designing your dress.

(b) Choose the person who will be designing and making your dress and make an appointment with them. Go with your gut, if you have a good feeling and a good rapport with someone, go with them, but bear in mind that designers all have a specific style.

(c)Budget, Be honest with yourself about how much you can spend, but also reasearch about how much you can expect a certain type of dress to cost.

2. Remember that what you see in a photograph is often quite different to reality. On a photographic set,  a dress is heavily styled to give the appearance that the photographer wants. Sometimes this is as simple as it been draped in a certain way while the model stands perfectly still. Once she moves the dress will no longer hang in this way. Sometimes it is structurally altered and sometimes it is altered in post production (photoshop) We had a client a short while ago who was adament that she wanted no seams in her heavily tailored princess style dress because there were no seams in the super soft-focus and very heavily photoshoped reference images she gave us. The issue of visible seams came back to haunt us time and again during that job as no-matter what, she did not believe that the images had been manipulated. Even if the image is true to life (such as a friend's snap-shot) the dress will look different on you and sadly may not even suit your complexion or body type, which is why...

3. Don't get hung up over a specific dress. Be prepared to compromise and make the design your own. If you have found a pic of the "exact" dress you want, go to the manufacturer of that dress. Do not expect another designer to copy it for you,  It is not fair to either the original designer who put in the work, or the person who want to rip it off, and chances are, you will not get what you wanted at the end of the day and it will not save you money.

4. Shop alone, or if you are genuinely terrified of bridal boutiques, take one trustworthy unbiased person. No more. This is for your sanity as well as the boutique's. Designers and sales-people cringe when they see a bride with an entourage arrive. It is almost impossible to have a constructive meeting with someone when there are half a dozen other people screaming their two cents worth, scrabbling around in the rails and pulling out things that they like and generally getting in the way. Bring your family, bridesmaids, friends and pets to later fittings and preferably one or two at a time.

5. Unless you are planning on buying an off the rack dress there and then, DO NOT go and try on dresses. Trying on dresses seldom helps you decide on a style, usually it is just flustering and confusing. A good designer will be able to recognise what will suit you by looking at you and will get all the inspiration that he or she needs to create something that is amazing from your scrapbook. They do not need to see you in a dozen different dresses and don't want to hear about the day that you spent in ABC Low cost bridal boutique.

6. Know what to compromise on. We can seldom afford what we dream of, however knowing where to compromise and where to splurge can go a long way towards making your dream a reality.

* If your dress is a clean simple fitted design, a high quality fabric is imperative. In this case compromise on your details and spend the money on the fabric.

*If your dress is a huge opulent period piece in many layers, you can use high quality details on cost effective fabrics to create an expensive finish.

*If your dress is a two piece, make your top the centre of attention and have a simple skirt. 

*Two piece - top and skirt, if often nearly half the price of a one piece.

*Do not compromise on lace quality. EVER. cheap lace looks cheap. Good lace is expensive, no way of getting out of it. You may not be able to have a full lace dress, but a detail on your dress' bodice in an exquisite lace makes all the difference and is affordable.

*Don't compromise on structure. The internal structure of your dress is what gives it it's shape and fall, even floaty dresses are built over a structured inner. One of the most common questions we are asked is to leave out structures and linings to save cost. The answer to this is always NO (and if someone is prepared to do this, they should not be making your dress anyway) If your dress is corseted, have it made by a corsetierre as a dressmaker will not have the expertise to correctly structure it which means that it will not fit the way it should, will not hang correctly and will in all likelyhood be very uncomfortable. A way to get away with a more unstructured dress is by wearing very good foundation garments underneith- i.e. girdles or corsets instead of having these items built in. It is however something that is usually only recommended for day or cocktail wear where you would have one or two sets of undies and a number of dresses made to fit over these items instead of each dress having it's own support.

* Silk is said to be the queen of fabrics, the perfect luxury. However not all silk is created equal. As with everything else, there are high and low quality silks and like most things, the low quality versions are to be avoided. Like lace, the stuff that you really want to be wearing is expensive, however unlike lace there is good news. There are plenty of fabrics around in the same price bracket as a low end silk, but which feel and behave like a high end silk. some of these are synthetics or man made cellulose fibres such as rayon (don't wrinkle your nose like that, there are some amazing synthetics out there) others are blends such as a gorgeous silk/cotton blend duchess satin we currently have in stock that feels and wears like the pure silk duchess that cost literally 10 times more!  Rather get a high quality synthetic or blend than a low quality silk.

7. A dress is like a painting, start with the big strokes and fill in the details later. Don't expect that you will know exacly what your dress will look like from the beginning. Rather start with knowing what shape and fit you would like your dress to be and add on details as you go along. You can expect there to be many fittings for a wedding dress which gives you plenty of time to see the dress evolve and make educated decisions as to what you want the final garment to look like. You should not be expected to make decisions about where and how and what your lace-filigree/beadwork and or other details are to be in your first few meetings.

9. Trust the designer, but don't be afraid to speak up if something is worrying you. We appreciate honesty. As much as it is the designer's name out there on the dress, which makes us honest with you, you must love your dress like a child.

10. Take everything that everyone else says with a ladle of salt. Everyone will want to put you in what they would like to wear and therefor may be critical of your choices. Stand by your choices, especially if you are going for something untraditional.

11. A competent designer will not expect or allow you to buy your own fabric. Knowing what type of fabric is correct for a specific design takes years of training and experience which a bride, after a half hour crash-course on the difference between satin and taffeta (without knowing that there are dozens of different types of satins and taffetas, each of which has it’s own unique properties) cannot possibly be expected to know. Add to this, the unscrupulous, dishonest and unknowlegable salespeople found in most commercial fabric shops and you have a recipe for a disaster. Should a designer try to make you buy the fabric, run a mile immedietly. What they are doing, is firstly trying to get you to do their job, and secondly trying to put the blame on you should anything go wrong. It is easy for them to say – “yes, but you bought bad quality or incorrect fabric” A designer should also never take you with to go fabric shopping, the reasons behind this are the same, but more subtly put as they may say that you pushed them into getting a specific fabric that was incorrect or over budget. It is also a complete waste of your time.

Another reason is that most high quality fabric suppliers are not open to the public. Only people in the trade with an account may buy from them, so you do not even have access to most fabrics that are out there. Fabric suppliers give designers discounts which are quite substantial so you will end up paying far more than you should.

Part of the designer’s job is to get the fabric, so they will go to their suppliers and get you samples of various fabrics to choose from (which will be the correct type of fabric for the job and within your budget) Don’t be afraid to ask for more samples should you want to see more options, and ask questions – why did they choose this specific type of fabric, or if there are a few that you like, ask what the advantages and disadvantages of one over the other are, and remember you don’t have to make up your mind there and then, ask if you can take samples home so that you can see them in different light and think about it should you wish to.

Random hints:

*Wear correct underwear, different bras and girdles will completely change your posture as well as the size, shape and height or your bust.

If you are going to wear a separate corset under your dress, try to get the corset before you start your dress as often there are enormous alterations to be done to the dress should you decide later.

Correct foundationwear will also correct the majority of figure flaws from flattening tummy, rounding and smoothing hips, creating a waist in a boyish figure, and perfecting your bust.

*Make sure you eat before your consult or fitting as it is aweful trying to make a decision on an empty stomach.

* know your shoe height. The height of your shoe will change your bearing and proportions which may alter the recommended proportions of your dress.

*Try to start your dress at least eight months before your wedding. This gives time for fabrics to be imported if necessary, for time consuming details such as hand done beadwork and for the dress to be finished in advance of the wedding which means that there is one enormous stress off your mind. 

Also remember that designers do often charge more for short deadline jobs as they have to put their other clients off.

* Try to keep your weight stable. Toning up is fine, but don’t go on a huge endevour to lose weight. Chances are that you are not going to lose the weight (or if you do, you may well put it all back on after the wedding) plus fluctuating weight makes dress fittings very difficult and increases the chances that there will be a dress mishap on the day. If you are going to have any surgery done – bust, lipo etc, try to have it done at least six months before you start your dress fittings to give your body time to settle.

* Be honest with yourself and realistic about your body. Certain styles look fantastic on one body type, but may not work on another. Alter your dress style to suit your body, not visa versa.

Dressing for a fuller figure: Part 1 - What lies beneath

As someone who lived on the larger side of life for my teens and most of my twenties, I understand the frustration of shopping for large clothes, and as a designer who often makes beautiful clothing to make the best of a voluptuous figure, I know how to dress for curves. Dressing a voluptuous figure is no more difficult than dressing a slender one, sadly most of the advice out there is along the lines of either lose weight, wear a tent or add so much unflattering detail that you can't see the person for the frills! I don't plan to tell you to do any of that. In fact, most of what I will tell you is the pole opposite of what is generally considered flattering for a larger figure.

1) Body

If you hate your body, there is not much that anyone can do to make you look gorgeous. Shed all of the guilt and self-loathing then we'll start. I am not going to tell you to lose weight because that really isn't an answer for anything. As Mika warbled, " big girls, you are beautiful!" Embrace your body as it is now, not as you wish it were. You are living in it now and unlike a house, there's not much chance of you moving out. Very few women who plan to lose weight actually do it successfully and long-term. Crash Dieting, pills etc will only damage your health and as long as you are healthy, who cares about a few (or a lot) of extra kilos. That said, and now that you have determined that cake is better than lettuce, take a look at your body and decide which parts you love and want to show off, and which ones need a little help.

2) The Help 

Dressing well isn't about size, it is about shape, and you perfect your shape with the right underwear. One of my favorite quotes is by Christian Dior "without foundation there can be no fashion" he was so right. Have a look at photos of women pre 1960. You really think that they just naturally looked that good? No bra was ever responsible for Jane Russel's gravity defying 38DD's in the strapless dresses of the day.  Even flappers in the 20's wore foundation garments. The ideal eras to use as inspiration are 30's - 50's, Women were super curvaceous and the fashions were all about large bums and boobs with tiny waists and ranged from sleek suits to playful day-dresses to elegant draped evening wear, and under it all was, you guessed it corsets!

Don't think of a corset purely as the Victorian variety. There are dozens of different garments in the corset family and they each do something different. Dependant on the outfit, either you choose your clothing based on your undergarments (day-wear) or visa versa for eveningwear. The corset for beneath a heavily structured fishtail dress is very different to what you would wear beneath a languid bias-cut gown (and yes, more than anything you need the corset for the gown as the structured fishtail will inevitably have one built it!) 

 A corset and a girdle are every girl’s best friend. A corset will support your bust and pull in your waist creating a perfect hourglass. A girdle will flatten tummy, smooth out your silhouette and lift and round your bum. Wear either piece or both together depending on the outfit and the amount of shaping you require.

Bras & knickers

If you are a D-cup or larger, a bra will never give you adequate bust support. In actuality, a bra on a large busted woman will over time also damage her spine. Simply put, a bra takes the weight of the bust and hangs it from the shoulders while a corset centers the weight over the core. (which also allows it to be strapless) the underwire on a bra can also cause pinched nerves and skin lesions on large sizes. A good alternative to a bra is a vertically boned Merry Widow, which is a soft flexible 1950's style corset. Don't buy one with bra-cups in it or you are defeating the purpose of a corset. (there is an article in the FAQ's on my website on why corsets don't have cups) the boning of the Merry Widow must go over the bust.

If you are going to be wearing a bra for everyday (usually with a girdle) invest in the best one you possibly can and ensure that it fits correctly. Only a very small portion of the women who come through my shop wear the correct size bra. Unfortunately most shops that offer measuring services will measure you to be a size that they stock no-matter how incorrect it is. For them, it is all about getting the sale.

Many of you know of an experiment that I did a number of years ago where I went to nearly a dozen lingerie shops to be measured and not one was correct. I was measured as anywhere between a 32C and 36B. My real size at the time - a 34A is always held in short stock and the first to sell out.

The easiest way to find out your size is to download a measurement diagram and measure yourself - It's easy. Another good thing to remember is that each company has their own patterns and one company’s bras may fit you better than another one. Although it is less common in European and American made product, sizes do vary from manufacturer to manufacturer. When buying bras online (the only way to really get a good selection) measure yourself with the diagram supplied by that website as it is written with their product in mind. Last but not least - read the labels and the blurb on the website and do not buy anything made in China or Korea. If possible support manufacturers (not importers) in your country. If the website doesn't tell you where the product is manufactured either ask them or go somewhere else. 

Although they are becoming increasingly difficult to get, a longline bra is one of the nicest styles to wear; particularly with a girdle. This bra continues 2" - 4" down your ribcage and is lightly boned beneith the bra cups. They help to smooth the ribcage and don't cause back flub. They also ensure that there is no gap between your girdle and your bra where your skin may ooze out and ensure a completely sleek silhouette.

*Note: A longline bra is not a corset or a basque. If it extends past your ribcage and/or has suspenders (garters) throw it away and carry on looking.  Basques are vile! Yes they look sexy, for about three and a half minutes before the "boning" buckles and they create all sorts of new rolls around your stomach. A good general rule is to avoid anything that has panels of completely sheer stretchy mesh - nothing see-through offers support. 

When shopping for underwear, take your time in the fitting room, make sure that what you are trying on offers enough coverage and doesn't create new bulges and lumps with the elastic. With panties, if in doubt try another cut or a size larger and never ever ever wear a g-string (and that goes for all girls of any shape and size!) they are unflattering - let's face it, anyone who thinks that a pair of pendulous orbs hanging out on either side of a piece of genital floss is sexy, should be institutionalised. You wouldn't let your breasts look like that, don't do it to your bum. 

G-strings also give far worse panty line than a pair of well fitting full (or boyleg) panties as the thin elastic at the top cuts into your hips making you look like you have saddlebags even if you don't. And, they give you urinary tract infections. I won't go into the details of that one, you can ask you doctor for the roundup, but they are unhealthy and that is more important than anything!

Girdles

Many of our clients refer to their girdle as their "vacuum packer" and that is just the perfect description. A girdle is a garment that was popular from the late 20's through to the early 60's in various forms which is designed to flatten the tummy and smooth, sculpt and lift the bum, hips and thighs. They are indispensable under not only workwear and more formal clothing bust also under well-fitted daywear. There are a number of different types of girdles available, but very few that are worth your time and money. The ones that you need are:

1: the classic High Waist Open bottomed girdle. It looks like a high waisted skin-tight mini-skirt and often comes with detachable suspenders. Perfect under any skirt or dress the high waist sculpts your waist and flattens and smooths your tummy.they are usually lightly boned around the waist so they don't pinch or roll down. Many women ask about all-in-ones, which are a girdle with built in bra. Personally I find it far more comfortable to wear a two-piece, so I seldom recommend them It is also very difficult to get a correct fit with an all-in-one as torso lengths vary so much and the bra-cups often end up sitting either too high or too low. If you are large busted rather wear a corset with a Shortie girdle over it for the same effect.

A shortie is a standard waisted girdle – i.e.: the top edge is in the waist not above it. Do not wear a shortie girdle with a bra. As the girdle ends too low in the waist, digs in and creates an unflattering roll of skin above it. These are for wear with corsets only.

2: a Panty-girdle or pants-liner.

A panty-girdle looks like a full panty with a reinforced front. If you can get a high-waisted one, buy it in all colours! When buying a panty-girdle, you have to try it on, guess work just does not do. Make sure that it sits securely under your bum cheeks but does not cause a roll either at the top or the bottom. There are some really great seamless ones out at present which do away with the problem of tight elastic around the leg holes which in cheaper ones digs in to cause unsightly bulges and can chafe quite badly. Pants-liners are a panty-girdle with long legs – ankle length. Standard panty girdles are great for under slacks or jeans, pants liners are for under tight pants, and believe me when sized correctly, they work! Pants-liners are quite hard to get hold of, but there are some very good support hose on the market which are a great alternative.

Do not EVER buy a panty-girdle with legs that end on the thigh. They are one of the most heinous inventions ever. Not only do they roll down at the top, but they force your thighs to ooze out at the bottom too, and it is impossible to go to the bathroom in them. All in all, they make you look worse than you did before and with a full bladder to boot!

Dont even think it. Not any brand, not ever!

Note on choosing girdle sizes: If it takes you 15 minutes to wriggle into, it is the correct size. If a girdle is too loose it won’t do what it is meant to do. We had a client come through recently wearing the most ill fitting girdle I’ve ever seen, it actually added on 3cm around her waist and hips. Unfortunately this particular incident was due to an ignorant sales-person at the store she had bought it who told her to buy it two sizes too big otherwise it would be too tight! 

Stockings

Not necessary, but nice. Stockings really finish off an outfit!

I’m taking actual thigh high stockings, not pantyhose. Stockings are kind of like a sexy girdle for your legs – they smooth out any cellulite and imperfections and give the illusion of perfect contours. If you are going to wear fishnets, wear a pair of sheer stockings under them to keep your skin smooth. 

A misconception is that stockings are uncomfortable. Not true at all, they are far more comfy than pantihose, in that they don’t twist and work their way downward over the course of the day. Ensure that your suspender belt or girdle has a minimum of six suspenders – three on each leg. Any less and your stockings will not hold correctly. Always buy stockings a size too big – they will sit higher on your thigh, not cut in at the top and will last much longer without laddering.

Modern clothing is generally designed to stretch to fit, not to truly fit, which is why very few women look their best or even really know how to dress for their body. In the past everything had to fit correctly as there was no stretch and as a result, clothing was not only more flattering, but also far more foolproof. If the skirt didn’t fit, there was no way you could pretend it did!

 Wearing correct underwear will feel different to anything that you have worn before. It will, particularly in the beginning be restrictive and a lot tighter than what you are used to, This is what underwear is meant to feel like - it is meant to perfect your body and provide a base over which your clothes drape. It also gives you the peace of mind that comes with knowing that everything in your sleek silhouette is exactly where it should be. Check yourself from all angles to ensure that everything is smooth then look at yourself in the mirror, is that gorgeous body not worth a little extra work?

And, if you still have any doubt as to the magic that foundation garments can work on a voluptuous figure, just watch Christina Hendricks in Mad Men. She’ll change your mind!