1) Denim skirts.
I hold a special place of loathing in my heart for denim. I am however willing to admit that jeans do have their up-side, such as every now and then when I need something that I really don't mid ruining for when I am working in the garden or painting or working on a vehicle. The one denim item that has no upside whatsoever though is denim skirts. really, who on earth actually thought that that would be a good idea? They are always shapeless. When long, they look like a piece of cardboard, when short they look skanky. always. They also always look reeeeeeallly badly dated.
 |
| No, this pic isn't from and 80's teen mag, it's from the latest ASOS catalogue! |
2) Bodysuits (and or teddies)
They're back and bad as ever. I wore them in the 90's and am still needing therapy to get over the fact. Why would anyone want to do that to the world again? Tops should not have crotches. Panties ought never have snaps. Not practical, sexy, flattering or comfortable. At best, they make your torso look too short and your bust, saggy.
 |
| cos the only way they could make it look like it fits is to make her do aerobics |
3) Poo-pants
They are not Harem pants. Harem pants don't have a dropped crotch. They are the bastard child of hammer-pants and a nappy. (oh, and the make your ass look huge and your legs look stunted and deformed, particulary if they are slim fitting over the calf)
 |
| Rickets - the latest fashion disease |
4) G-strings (or thongs)
Give worse panty-line than any other form of underwear (the reason that you think otherwise is because you are wearing the wrong size) and give you urinary tract infections. They also make your arse look like two huge dimpled water balloons hanging over a piece of frayed string. Sexy!
5) Just too short tops and 6) Just too low cut pants
Oh, the muffin top. Enough said.
7) Kitten heels
Either wear flats, or wear a pair of real heels. Kitten heels make you look like your weight has compressed your heels into the floor. They also make your ankles and calves look chunky and are near impossible to walk elegantly in.
8)baby-doll dresses and tops
Unlike the empire line which has a high waist and fitted body, the baby-doll flares from below the bust (often with gathering too). Baby-dolls don't hide figure flaws, they just make you look pregnant, which considered with the term "baby-doll" (which by the way, you are not) brings up a whole herd of creepy fetishist connotations.
 |
| can you say teen pregnancy? |
9) Leggings.
Rather wear stockings or tights (both of which have feet) leggings are unflattering to your leg shape, and anyway, If you think that your skirt is too short, don't wear it. Either wear a skirt or pants, never both.
 |
| denim skirt AND leggings. *cringe* |
10) Short shorts.
We don't want to know about your labia piercing or whether you are on your period.
11) Gilets
Like a waistcoat, but usually unfitted and furry. Makes you look like a half metamorphasised extra in one of super-low budget werewolf movies.
 |
| This one doesn't say werewolf so much as were-pavement special |
