Arwen Garmentry: Upsy daisy

Something I noticed. Well actually something I noticed quite a few years back but am still astounded enough that it happens that I am going to write about it is how many people wear their corsets upside down.

Now, you'd think that this is a pretty obvious thing - your boobs are on the top, your bum is at the bottom. Most of us have known this since we first became aware of the world around us, for some it then dissapeared into a haze of boobs, bums, alchohol and hormones in no particular order, but those aren't really the ones that we are worrying about here.

I was looking through matric farewell photos and photoshoots given to me by a number of clients and was really quite amazed at how many of them featured upside down (and in some instances upside down and back to front) corsets. Yes, some of the ladies in question are a little light in the skull area, but most are quite smart. It is not like a sweetheart cupped Merry Widow is an easy thing to mistake either. So here is a quick checklist of 10 ways to know your corset is on the right way round.

1) Put your corset on before the before-party. If cocktails have been involved at any stage during that day, put it back in it's box and wear a towel. It'll make your life easier in the long run.

2) lay the corset on the bed. Unless you are a really weird shape (ie your boobs have sagged to crotch level in which case you probably need a surgeon rather than a corset) the two central bones will form a v that is open in the top, narrowing towards the bottom. Just to be sure that you heard the first time - the wide bit of the V formed by the boning is at the Top, if it is at the bottom, stand on your head and try again.

3) Look for the cups of your corset - the bits where your boobs go. No matter how small they are, there is a space for them. Most corsets will be slightly lower between the breasts, there may be a lace-up busk or zip down the centre. Line this central line up with centre of you - so that there is a straight line from your neck to your belly button. Great, now you know that your corset is at least not on sideways.

4) If your corset has frillies on it, they will be at the top front, they are not there to hide the fact that you haven't had a bikini wax for 6 months or are wearing your panties back to front.
5) If your corset has suspenders, these attach to your stockings, they do not go over your shoulders. remember this, it is important.

6) The bits of ribbon dangling from the centre of your corset go at the back, these are where you pull from to tighten it, remember? we went over this at least five times before when you came to collect your corset.

7) If you bought a "cincher" or "underbust" corset, it goes around your waist, not your boobs. Now please go and put on a bra.
8) The stretchy elastic bits on a Merry Widow? they go on the sides. Now, get a friend to hold the corset still and rotate your body till they are one on each side with the long dangly ribbon bit at the back.
9) No, corsets aren't reversable, if the silver satin is on the outside, it is inside out.

10) I am considering that you are now standing in front of the mirror with the fly (privacy panel) wrapped around your neck, the laces twisted and one half of the cost inside out and upside down with the whole lot back to front. A word of wisdom: go, have a vodka, put on a t-shirt and phone me in the morning.

Arwen

Pic 1 - Upside down Merry Widow